turning push into shove

When I do a quick mental calculation, I can safely say that I currently have about $1,000 worth of physical fitness supplies at home. They’re all in their boxes from when we moved into our new house…5 months ago. Before that, they were all in the same box from when I moved into our previous apartment…9 months ago. Before that, I was a serial subscriber to gyms that I never frequented. I used to run during my lunch breaks, but that lasted all of 3 months, and then I went back to doing crosswords. In my defense, at least I’m not eating pizza and nachos. That’s more due to an allergy than a health choice, but still. It counts.

Why is it so hard to turn goals into action? I’m an educated person. I know that over half of North America is obese. I also know that as my years tick away, I slide closer and closer to the side of my biological clock where mere thoughts of junk food turn into calories. Is it because I’m not desperate enough? Not sick enough? Not vain, obsessive compulsive, self-loathing enough?

It boils down to this: I haven’t been committed enough. Fitness takes discipline, and discipline requires commitment. When it comes to fitness, that’s the pinpoint of my problems. I lack commitment to my physical fitness.

When I consider the types of people who have a hard time committing to things, I think of guys who put off proposing to their awesome girlfriends after leading them on for 7 years. I think of politicians who answer direct questions with words that, when put together, don’t really mean anything. I think of drivers who take up two whole lanes when turning right because they can’t be bothered to change to the furthest right lane first. It’s everything that is irritating and aggravating to me. And now, I’m realizing that by not committing to one of the most important and blatant issues in my life, I have now become one of those things. I’m my own pet peeve.

Well, maybe I’m not desperate, sick, vain, obsessive and self-loathing enough to want to develop a fitness regimen, but maybe that’s not what it’s about. You focus on getting fit because you love, respect and honor yourself. When you love, respect and honor yourself, you wouldn’t be okay with being irritated with yourself. And right now, I’m pretty irritated with myself. Maybe I’m irritated enough to get off the computer and on my pilates mat. Enough to pack my running gear to work tomorrow, and actually use it. Enough to turn push into shove.

Maybe.

Or maybe I’ll be doing crosswords.

I guess we’ll see. In the meantime, I’ll be taking up two lanes while turning right.

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