After so many months of completely ignoring this blog, I was indirectly inspired by a friend to get back into the game. So here I am. Thanks to WordPress for not giving up on me and deleting my account altogether. You knew that I would be back. 🙂
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life lately. Well, those of you who have been readers of this blog in the past would probably say that I do a lot of thinking about my life in general. Ironically, in my reflection, I’ve realized that I think too damn much. I’m always so calculated. Always in my head. I can’t even buy a new sweater without first deliberating on it for at least 15 minutes, putting it back on the rack and wandering the store aimlessly for another 20, waiting for the universe to give me some sign or other about whether or not to make this purchase (i.e. if it’s not there when I come back for it, then it wasn’t meant to be), then pick it up off the rack again (because clearly, it’s still there, so it must be meant to be) and take it to the line-up at the cashier, have second thoughts, and then finally decide that I am not sold on it and am not willing to spend the $19.99 it costs before taxes. As my husband would often say when I ask for his opinion on these matters, “Just buy the stupid sweater already. You always regret it when you don’t.”
And he’s often right.
For some people, “just buy the stupid sweater already” is not good advice. But for me, this is exactly the motto I need to start living by.
I’ve said this before. Here and in many other blog posts and journal entries, Post-it notes, hotel paper pads, Facebook status updates and Twitter feeds, I’ve proclaimed that this is The Moment when I start just jumping in head-first and finally living my life. I get lit up like a Roman candle, and for a while I enter into a state of brilliance where I’m spitting fire and letting off all kinds of awesome. But after the fire wears off, the 4-week songwriting sprees, the 6-part blogging series, the first week of a 30-day exercise program, I burn out. And I slowly cool off. And finally I settle back into my natural pattern of calculated, cautious, same-old-same-old boring.
It’s amazing. Some people are addicted to booze. I’m addicted to boring.
Well, since my last blog post, a lot of things have happened. I turned a year older. I wrote 15 songs in one month. Other things have happened that made me really think about the brevity of life (there’s a story behind that sentence, but that will be for another blog post). I entered 2012 with the realization that I am not getting any younger. Therefore, fear is a commodity that I can no longer afford.
So, this is where I’ve been for the last three months. Living outside my head. I’m in line, and I’m just buying the stupid proverbial sweater already. And I gotta say, it’s a nice change.
I’m gonna have a lot of things to share with you over the next few months. I’ll try to keep up with everything, and I hope you keep up with me. 🙂